2012 Books

Okay, so part of my goal for the end of the year is to read 20 books before 2013. So This is my running tally of the books I read. Hopefully, seeing how much the list keeps growing will help motivate me to really get through some of the books on my book shelf!!
Wish me Luck!

1. Such a Pretty Fat-Jen Lancaster
2. Gone Girl-Gillian Flynn
3. My Sister's Keeper-Jodi Picoult
4. Speak-Laurie Halse Anderson
5. Madame Bovary-Gustave Flaubert
6. Pretty in Plaid-Jen Lancaster
7. The Thirteenth Tale-Diane Setterfield
8. My Fair Lazy-Jen Lancaster
9. Wicked Appetite-Janet Evanovich
10. Wicked Business-Janet Evanovich (Yay half-way!)
11. Candide-Volatire
12. Candy Girl: A year in the life of an unlikely stripper-Diablo Cody
13. Sharp Objects-Gillian Flynn
14. Dark Places-Gillian Flynn
15. The Happiness Project-Gretchen Rubin
16. If You Were Here-Jen Lancaster
17. Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns)-Mindy Kaling
18. From Notting Hill With Love...Actually-Ali Mcnamara
19. The King Maker's Daughter-Philippa Gregory

So above is my list of the 19 books that I read at the end of 2012. And I wanted to give an update on how I did. I am giving myself an A. And to answer your question, yes I read a 20th book and it was The Guardian-Nicholas Sparks. I finished it on January 1st 2013, therefore I technically didn't hit my goal, and I have already read The Guardian because it is my FAVORITE Nicholas Sparks book. But towards the end of 2012 I was getting really burnt out with reading, which is saying something. So I read it at my own pace, and while I'm proud I did make it through the book, it was not easy, even for such a fantastic novel.

So my new book goal for 2013 is to read what I love, just keep picking things that move me, even if I have to order it from Amazon.com as opposed to the nice collection of books I already have that boarders on book hoarding... Haha. So now the official 101 book count down begins!! I am going to try to make an effort to get more involved with Goodreads, so look out for me there. And any suggestions are more than welcome!!

~Elizabeth

In Dating News

Good Morning My Dears,

I am having a really hard time with this whole dating thing. I think it can be summed up best by Liz Gilbert,

“I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism.”Eat, Pray, Love

God does that describe how I feel sometimes. What I'm currently having a battle within myself about is this one boy. We had a fantastic first date, then I didn't really hear from him other than a few disconnected text messages. So I figured that he hadn't had as good a time as I had, so I started looking around again. Then, all of the sudden he asked me on a second date, which I enjoyed. I just don't know what I'm feeling about the whole situation. I've never had this issue where I constantly felt like I was walking on eggshells trying to figure out how someone felt about me. I've also never had so much self confidence before. I've definitely dated guys who were nice, but not on my level in a number of ways. But my pitfall is that I want to take care of everyone, I want to help make people better, which drains me in the process. I already feel exhausted, and the process is just beginning. That isn't right. I also am sick of feeling as though he isn't interested in me. If he is, he needs to up his game. Because this is ridiculous. As all of these things swirl around my head, I remembered this quote:

Source: 25.media.tumblr.com via Em on Pinterest

 So there it is, me giving myself permission to relax and let it arrive, and if it doesn't, to just keep swimming. :)

Hope all of you have a less crazy day!! Any advice would be more than welcome.

~E

Great Expectations

Happy Monday!

So this weekend was a crazy whirlwind, but was absolutely the refreshing weekend I needed in such unexpected ways. I think part of that is thanks to having Friday off, but never the less I had such a great time hanging with friends, watching some fantastic play-off football (I went 4 for 4 as far as my predictions, thank you all very much!). But it wasn't just the amazing food or the stories (Oh the stories!!), or the laughing so hard I couldn't properly breathe while driving down the highway; what took my by surprise was how much I could accomplish and enjoy myself when I checked my expectations at the door.

Source: indulgy.com via Donna on Pinterest

I've been really getting to know myself these past few weeks, which has been such a wonderful experience, and I definitely never expected that. I've never realized just how much pressure I put on myself or on others, until now. And I am finally realizing how much I was losing from my life because people were not "performing" the way I demanded it. I don't want to sit and think about all of my life I've missed because it "didn't quite fit" into my idea of life. But instead I'm going to continue to move forward and enjoy each moment, live each moment because I enjoy it, not because there is pressure on me to perfect the moment.

~E

Finding Me

Good morning Loves!

So yesterday was a strong start, I made sure I focused on me and what I needed to accomplish. I'm proud of the progress I made. I back slid a bit last night and began obsessing about all of the "what-ifs" in my life, but as I went to bed I vowed to keep working and to make today better. Little by little I'll get there.

I think a big key to my confidence problems is going to be letting go of the idea of perfect. The problem is that I have always felt sub-par because I am not perfect, but I don't exactly know what I've believed "perfect" is. So I want to focus on what I think I'm "doing wrong" so that I can start effectively handling it and accepting the life I have, not the one I wish for. So that's my goal for the day. I'll let you know how it goes once I make some headway on it.

Have a good day!
~E

Prioritizing

Happy 2013!!

I hope that the New Year is treating you all well and that your resolutions are going according to plan. I've been doing a lot of thinking about 2013 and about all of the wonderful opportunities that I'm going to have this year. I made a list of goals and I'm going to bite the bullet and share it with you so that someone can maybe hold me accountable.

My Goals 2013

Fitness:
Run a half marathon. By December 31st 2013
Run 2 5Ks
Run a 10K
Be able to do a REAL push up
Be able to complete the entire ab thingy on the P90X

Body:
Size L shirt (M is a stretch goal)
Size 10 pants (Size 8 is a stretch goal)
Rock more high heels

Finances:
Stop eating out so much, bring lunch from home/ Stop and Shop
Consistently write in your checkbook and balance
Pay off all credit card debt by June.
Figure out how to finance Grad School

Elizabeth:
Continue to be Perfectly Imperfect
Work on letting go of the control freak and embarrassing the mistakes.
Finally rock that Tattoo
Keep working on 101 list :)

Work/Professional:
Finish applying to Grad School
Get into Grad School
If Not, find a plan B
Move out of Parents

Travel:
Go on a road trip!
Go to England again :)

With all of those wonderful things in mind, I've been doing a lot of thinking about my priorities. I've put myself on the back burner for most of my life. And I'm finally ready to make my life all about me. This all started after I went out on a date with a boy. It was wonderful, and as my brain always does, it started worrying about whether he liked me, and if I was every going to hear from him again, and a million other things about what I was afraid he was thinking about me. I am not the most patient person (haha that's an understatement...anyways) and not having the instant gratification of knowing exactly how he felt brought me down some really deep, dark paths. So last night I sat and thought about the two big relationships that I've been in since I graduated from high school, and I realized that each time I get into a relationship I immediate just become assimilated into their life as easily as possible. This means that I ignore my own life and my own wants or needs to be able to "serve their life" better. And then, I get resentful and angry and start feeling guilty for feeling that way... it is a vicious cycle.
So last night I finally made the decision that I want to be someone who loves herself first. Part of the inspiration for change came from an article I read a while ago (from Holly's blog post) about women begin liked versus being who they truly are. It was a tremendous piece by Jessica Valenti, the part that stuck out to me the most was, "Wanting to be liked means being a supporting character in your own life, using the cues of the actors around you to determine your next line rather than your own script. It means that your self-worth will always be tied to what someone else thinks about you, forever out of your control." And I'm done being a control freak who really has no control over herself. So I'm going into this New Year with the hope of becoming the Elizabeth I want to be. And part of that is going to be more writing here. I love writing and words, but I've always been much more inclined to read other blogs or books (while comparing myself to how terrible I write in comparison... yeah it's not pretty), but this is part of the change, wanting to get better. I want to craft words into meaning, even if I'm the only one who ever sees it. :) So here goes nothing! Wish me luck

~Elizabeth