Prioritizing

Happy 2013!!

I hope that the New Year is treating you all well and that your resolutions are going according to plan. I've been doing a lot of thinking about 2013 and about all of the wonderful opportunities that I'm going to have this year. I made a list of goals and I'm going to bite the bullet and share it with you so that someone can maybe hold me accountable.

My Goals 2013

Fitness:
Run a half marathon. By December 31st 2013
Run 2 5Ks
Run a 10K
Be able to do a REAL push up
Be able to complete the entire ab thingy on the P90X

Body:
Size L shirt (M is a stretch goal)
Size 10 pants (Size 8 is a stretch goal)
Rock more high heels

Finances:
Stop eating out so much, bring lunch from home/ Stop and Shop
Consistently write in your checkbook and balance
Pay off all credit card debt by June.
Figure out how to finance Grad School

Elizabeth:
Continue to be Perfectly Imperfect
Work on letting go of the control freak and embarrassing the mistakes.
Finally rock that Tattoo
Keep working on 101 list :)

Work/Professional:
Finish applying to Grad School
Get into Grad School
If Not, find a plan B
Move out of Parents

Travel:
Go on a road trip!
Go to England again :)

With all of those wonderful things in mind, I've been doing a lot of thinking about my priorities. I've put myself on the back burner for most of my life. And I'm finally ready to make my life all about me. This all started after I went out on a date with a boy. It was wonderful, and as my brain always does, it started worrying about whether he liked me, and if I was every going to hear from him again, and a million other things about what I was afraid he was thinking about me. I am not the most patient person (haha that's an understatement...anyways) and not having the instant gratification of knowing exactly how he felt brought me down some really deep, dark paths. So last night I sat and thought about the two big relationships that I've been in since I graduated from high school, and I realized that each time I get into a relationship I immediate just become assimilated into their life as easily as possible. This means that I ignore my own life and my own wants or needs to be able to "serve their life" better. And then, I get resentful and angry and start feeling guilty for feeling that way... it is a vicious cycle.
So last night I finally made the decision that I want to be someone who loves herself first. Part of the inspiration for change came from an article I read a while ago (from Holly's blog post) about women begin liked versus being who they truly are. It was a tremendous piece by Jessica Valenti, the part that stuck out to me the most was, "Wanting to be liked means being a supporting character in your own life, using the cues of the actors around you to determine your next line rather than your own script. It means that your self-worth will always be tied to what someone else thinks about you, forever out of your control." And I'm done being a control freak who really has no control over herself. So I'm going into this New Year with the hope of becoming the Elizabeth I want to be. And part of that is going to be more writing here. I love writing and words, but I've always been much more inclined to read other blogs or books (while comparing myself to how terrible I write in comparison... yeah it's not pretty), but this is part of the change, wanting to get better. I want to craft words into meaning, even if I'm the only one who ever sees it. :) So here goes nothing! Wish me luck

~Elizabeth