Catching Up To Me

I hope everyone is happy this October 15th! I've been having a rough week and it's only Tuesday, (Oh joy!). The more time that I'm down here and seemingly getting settled, the more I feel like I'm drowning in school work and mourning. Everything moved so quickly after Diane passed, mostly because I couldn't face the emotions I was feeling at the time and I had a LOT of shit to do. But now, I'm stressed out beyond belief with school work, grading, and general pressure to function as a human being. And I'm just sad. There are so many things  that I wish I could share with Diane, so much has been going on and I want to talk to my best friend, and she's not there. I've seriously considered just quitting school and moving back home, but then I had this major realization that even if/when I "go home" she won't be there. She isn't waiting for me in her apartment, she really is gone and my proximity to South Boston is not going to bring her back. And that was hard, really really hard. And that's just where I am, trying to accept the hard emotional truths I keep coming to along side with the really hard school work I'm trying to juggle. I needed to get this out there, because I've been hiding behind this guise of being great! and having So! Much! Fun!! And being 500+ miles away has allowed me to continue hiding behind where I want to be while hiding from my feelings. So that is where I'm honestly at. I'm trying to gather myself up and keep going, but today I wanted to take a moment to rest, to let myself feel, and to let some of the burden go. Thanks for listening.

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