So to update you on my life, I've been (trying) to get through all of my grad school applications, juggling my insane work schedule and family/friend time, and I've been dipping my feet in the online dating scene. Nothing spectacular to report anywhere really haha. But yesterday I was chatting with a friend of mine and he asked if I was happy single. At first, I didn't know how to respond, firstly, because he is my ex, and we are in a good place, I didn't want this to lead anywhere weird, and secondly, I had never thought about if I was happy single. So I sat and really thought about everything going on in my life, and it lead to some very interesting conclusions.
To lead off, I am happy single. I have been doing whatever I want whenever I want, with very little regard to anyone else. It's been really nice with that kind of freedom. I've been able to drop my exciting nights with a glass of wine and a movie for nights out with my family or friends. I've been going out and doing more things alone, which is not as terrifying as I had always thought it would be. Because when I was younger, even as recently as when I was in college, I was mostly afraid to do things alone. Sure I joined clubs and things on campus, and even now my dad refers to me as a "joiner" because I'll go out and just do different things even if I'm the only person interested in doing it. Like the dance classes that I dropped in on for my 101 list. (yeah, yeah I'm getting to that post someday haha) But I never felt alone, because I was joining groups so that I could make friends so I wouldn't have to be alone. Plus, while I am very outgoing in terms of joining others, I am essentially silent when I first join things. I'm a very strange combination of adventurous and timid haha.
So then, you must be wondering, if you are so happy, what gives with the online dating? (Which is what I started to wonder myself) I realized that I'm not itching to have a boyfriend or be engaged any time soon, I really just wanted to make new friends. And for me, it has been nice talking to different guys, just getting to know one another with no pressure, on my part. I've also been doing more exploring on the web and finding some more blogs that I've just enjoyed reading so much. (More on those in a later post). Maybe online dating will lead to a prince charming, or maybe it won't. But for right now, the human interaction that it's bringing into my life has been a great experience for me.
It's incredibly liberating to realize that even with all of the things going on in my life that aren't so awesome right now, I'm still happy with who I am and where I'm going. This satisfaction is something that I have been working a long time trying to find. I remember always wanting a boyfriend so bad when I was younger, from middle school right through college. I always wanted to know what it felt like to be that happy, because I never felt happy alone. From where I'm standing right now, I'm happy to be here all on my own, strong and single. This is something that I'm so proud of finally learning at the young age of 23, because it only gets better from here.
~E
