For Christmas 2010 the only thing I really wanted was the movie "Eat, Pray, Love". I had fallen in love with the film that Summer when it had been released and I was trying to get through my first big breakup. Like, didn't get out of bed without crying a LOT first, kind of breakup. Granted, I did the breaking up and I hadn't been happy in that relationship in a long while; but this was also
the College boyfriend, the first boy I thought I would marry and have a family with, like how my parents (and his too) had met in college and gone on to live happily ever after (mostly).
But enough about that shmuck, back to Christmas morning. So I open the movie, I think my little brother had given it to me, and I was giddy. I put it aside, knowing that as soon as I was done with the gift opening and family breakfast, that I would watch it. As soon as I had enjoyed my family's company, or at least enough to be excused without being rude, I went upstairs to my tiny new room put the dvd in my dvd player that I had bought my freshman year of college, and watched it on my flat screen 19" tv that I had gotten for Christmas my freshman year of college as well. And from then on I watched the movie over and over for over a year, sometimes falling asleep to it, sometimes waking up and turning it on. Sometimes, watching it while taking mental notes as though this movie held the very secret to life itself, other times half listening and quoting most of the movie back to the screen while I did other things like writing, changing, sometimes even cleaning my tiny room.
Fast forward to today, I came home from work, grabbed some Wendy's with Sean, dropped him at class, then got home, changed into sweats and put the dvd in. I'm only half listening, but the quick flashes of Julia Roberts that I'm getting in between writing this post, and the familiar soundtrack that I may or may not have on my iPhone, drifts just below my full consciousness. I'm watching it on my dvd player that I bought my freshman year of college and my flat screen 19" tv that I had gotten for Christmas my freshman year of college as well. It's even on the same wire cubby thing that I've had since college because I haven't had the chance in the past couple of months to put together the nice new wooden(ish) cubby thing that Sean and I spent too much on at Bed Bath & Beyond. The difference is that I'm roughly 500+ miles away from that tiny room, I'm all stretched out on my queen size bed that I share with my boy, in a room that is far from tiny. I have been trying to constantly cultivate the life I want, sometimes needing to drop habits, sometimes needing desperately to remember those instances where I felt undeniable love and happiness.
I decided to watch this particular movie because on Saturday, which happened to be my 25th birthday, I watched "The Normal Heart", also by Ryan Murphy, also with Julia Roberts. It was this unbelievable film about the AIDS outbreak in 1980's New York City. Not exactly the "Let's Celebrate My Birthday" type of movie, but unbelievably moving all the same. As I watched Julia Roberts, as Dr. Emma Brookner, freak out at members of the medical community for their staunch resistance in funding her AIDS research, that I realized how much I love Julia Roberts. She is definitely my woman crush. The parts that I've seen her play always have this unparalleled passion for what they do in their lives, whether its through medical research, or a year traveling to find that passion. So while I try to find my passions and my everyday happiness, I look to her for the inspiration to leave no stone unturned in my pursuit of the life that I want. I'm learning to smile, love, and check my perfectionist tendencies at the door. Care to join me on this most important venture?
With Love,
Elizabeth
