I hope all of you had a wonderful Halloween. I didn't get dressed up or do anything fun, other than watch Modern Family with the left-over Trick-or-Treat candy :) It was still a good night!
So instead of only blogging on here when I have completed a 101 task, (and yes I know, I still owe you posts. I'm getting there!) I wanted to just talk about what's been going on in my life. I had an epiphany last night. It was major and minor at the same time, about something minor, but had major impact on my life kind of a thing.
So to introduce the story to you I figured I should probably admit, I joined an online dating site. Which was a huge decision for me. I've been enjoying being single and making a lot of time for myself, but I've also found myself wanting to meet new people and try as many new things as possible. (Though I must admit, no matter how enticing the guys on this site try to make it, I don't think I'll ever be a chick that likes or wants to ride motorcycles... sorry!) So with this "new adventure" I've had very little (like practically non-existent) success, which is a bummer. Part of that too is, I want someone to find me. I've always gone out there and made things happen, but I want to be wanted. And I know you are rolling your eyes saying the same thing, and trust me, I'll get back to that. So for the past few days I had been talking to someone who had made the first move! Yay! Then last night I got a message from him saying that I was just like his ex, in personality, and that we had the same name and that he couldn't handle it and didn't want to talk anymore. I understand where he was coming from, I do, but man that was a killjoy last night. Finding someone who was nice and could write a proper sentence was like the best thing ever. So I pretty much had a pity party with the left-over Halloween candy.
So later on in the evening, sitting in bed with my laptop open, I started writing myself an email. I do this often to clear my head without having my hand cramp up trying to write it in my journal. I've noticed when I write to myself, that I tend to write it "to you" rather than using "I". So I've been trying to be more vigilant about not lecturing myself, because that has NOT been working. As I was pouting and complaining it dawned on me that I am complaining about things that I "wish" for, not that I am "working" for. So I am just being a spoiled brat, in other words. And this is where my epiphany came in. Maybe if I started working more on things that I cared about, like my blog, or being more open-minded and less judgemental (on myself) the online dating thing wouldn't be such torture. I just had this moment of clarity that I need to start working and stop complaining. Because if there is nothing I hate more, it is a whiner. And yes, that part of me drives me a little batty sometimes, but I completely own up to it.
I have always found myself drawn to strong women, people like my grandmother (mother of 7 with an alcoholic husband, hello!), people I knew in high school who are doing extraordinary things in their lives (like being a Ph.D. candidate at MIT... just saying), but also characters, like Alicia Florrek in "The Good Wife", Elizabeth Gilbert author of "Eat, Pray, Love" and so many, many more. So I think it's time I get my head out of my ass and start actually working. Because I DO NOT want to be Emma ( in "Madame Bovary") never, ever, ever do I want to be her.
Also, as fate would have it, as I was searching for something to post as a facebook status I found a quote from Eat, Pray, Love (yes, I know, I have a problem and need a 12 step program... haha) and it was exactly what I needed to hear, mostly because it is exactly what I told myself last night, in so many words.
“Stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone ought to be.” ~Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love ♥ And that, my friends, is my plan. And maybe, if I'm lucky, all of my craziness will help someone else out along the way too. :)
So I leave you with my final thought on the subject, I am learning, and growing, and finding my way in this crazy world. I'm trying really really hard to find Elizabeth and just as I was getting ready to post this, I found something else, another trinket of wisdom, from Aristotle no less, that just fit perfectly into this crazy journey I'm on.
So I leave you with my final thought on the subject, I am learning, and growing, and finding my way in this crazy world. I'm trying really really hard to find Elizabeth and just as I was getting ready to post this, I found something else, another trinket of wisdom, from Aristotle no less, that just fit perfectly into this crazy journey I'm on.
Ain't that the truth...
~Elizabeth
