Lets Be Honest

If you can't be honest on the Internet, where can you, am I right? Okay, there may be some flawed logic in there, but follow me on this. 1 year ago I met my current boyfriend, we were both training for a couple of races. I was consistently running and exercising, because I was hell-bent on running a half marathon. (Yeah, we all know how that ended.) Anyways, I run a couple of 5ks, and was slated for a 10k and half marathon in July, great! Then, my Aunt Diane passed, and I just stopped running, I was so focused on moving 500 miles away and not dealing with the emotions behind losing a loved one that I didn't even miss it when I initially stopped running. In July I ran the 10k, on little to no training. Which, holy crap girl, that's insane! But I realized a half marathon would just about kill me, so I didn't run it. Nor did I run the other half marathon that I had scheduled for October, once I got to VA.

Once I moved to VA I was running around like a nut (and still am) trying to juggle life and Graduate School. So in November I finally caved and bought bigger jeans and work pants. And now those pants and my regular shirts are way too tight/ don't fit. My eating habits are atrocious, and my exercise routine is nonexistent. I didn't make any crazy New Years resolutions because two days after Christmas I lost my Uncle Richard. Which just brought up even more emotional turmoil. I've learned these past few months that I take emotional and stress eating to whole new levels. And trust me, I wasn't exactly a small girl to begin with. 

Which brings me to this morning, I weighted in at 271.2 lbs. That's about 50lbs in 8 months. But honestly, most of that has been heavily concentrated in the last 6 months. I don't know what was sadder, that I've hit number, or that I wasn't blown away by it either. Between working full time in a very sedentary job, going to grad school, and being out on my own for the first time, this backslide/complete free fall is understandable, but not acceptable. 

So, the buck stops here. I can't even believe I shared my weight with the Internet, but I need to make drastic changes, and so that's what I want to use this space for, my weight-loss. I started it off by packing my lunch, so I can avoid the crappy lunch options near my office. I plan on making my own meal this evening, and it might just need include a salad. I want to change, I need to change, but I'm terrified of change because, well, I'm human. But there is no way in which I can't find a way to lose and maintain a healthier weight and lifestyle. My life literally depends on it.

So stick with me as I figure out how to kick some ass won't ya?

2013 Goals Revisited

So I know it's no February, but I think it's time a take a quick peak at my goals from 2013. It's been a crazy year for me, lots of ups and downs, lots of changes and new experiences. Honestly, I really dropped off most of my goals after June, after my aunt passed and I started really getting prepared to move. I feel like the second half of 2013 was really just full of excuses, but I also know that I've been particularly hard on myself these past few months. So, without further ado, my recap of my 2013 goals.

My Goals 2013

Fitness:
Run a half marathon. By December 31st 2013 I signed up for 2. (and paid for 2, in 2 different states) but I barely trained for the 10k and just didn't feel comfortable running that far without putting in more training so I wouldn't wreck my knees.
Run 2 5Ks  April with Sean and friends, then June for myself. June's 5k I broke the 40 minute mark! I was so proud of myself.
Run a 10K Finish at the Fifty on July 3rd, coolest experience ever, running on the Gillette turf, getting to hear my name announced in the stadium, however, running up and down the ramps, not so awesome.
Be able to do a REAL push up hahaha… no
Be able to complete the entire ab thingy on the P90X Also, not so much. 

Body: So this section was pretty much a bust. I have gained a lot of weight this past year, so no part of this section panned out...
Learn to love my body for all that it is and is not 
Take better care of my joints
Size L shirt (M is a stretch goal)
Size 10 pants (Size 8 is a stretch goal)
Rock more high heels

Finances: Mostly this was a bust too. I accomplished some of these things, but then have quickly backtracked because I'm on my own and learning how to manage my finances. Things were crossed off  ash I did them, but the back sliding has not been a positive change.
Stop eating out so much, bring lunch from home/ Stop and Shop
Consistently write in your checkbook and balance
Pay off all credit card debt by June.
Figure out how to finance Grad School Yay Student Loans!

Self: This one has been particularly hard, having stopped going to therapy (Which I'd been going to for almost 2 years) when I moved, plus dealing with a new way of life and sharing my apartment with the boy. So I'm taking it slow and trying to make everyday better than yesterday.
Keep learning about me!
Continue to be Perfectly Imperfect
Work on letting go of the control freak and embracing the mistakes.
Finally rock that Tattoo
Keep working on 101 list :)

Work/Professional: I have to say this was my most successful group, there's been a lot of professional growth this past year.
Finish applying to Grad School
Get into Grad School
If Not, find a plan B
Move out of family home as of 8-13 I no longer live at my parent's house!

Travel: Moving on my own has been quite the travel adventure. So while England didn't happen, a last-minute road trip back to MA for a weekend was perfect. I'm calling this a win.
Go on a road trip!
Go to England again :)

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So overall, I'm actually surprised how much I was able to accomplish this year. So as I move forward in 2014, I'm going to try to focus on the positive parts of it.
I am having a hard time trying to figure out how I want to move forward, how I want to really take advantage of my great life. It's been a bit hard to focus on my life and my own personal growth, but I'm going to get there. Thanks for sticking around while I do it.

~E