So I've definitely been MIA recently, partially because work has been insane and because I'm currently recuperating from my second bout of strep throat in 2 weeks (which has been great...). But there is definitely some big news to be shared with you, oh anonymous Internet followers, I got into the English Master's program at The George Washington University!!!!! So things around here have been focused on celebrating (obviously) and trying to figure out how I can afford to move myself and my ever growing collection of books from Boston to Washington DC... Still working on the details! But I am thrilled to also announce that I'm all geared up to visit DC in April!! So excited to look at the school and look into some apartments! So obviously this means I owe you a TON of 101 posts, mostly because 2 of my goals were to apply to grad school, and get accepted... So yeah I've been kind of slacking in that dept., but I've still somehow been able to continue to cross things off, which feels amazing.
The other reason that I decided that I needed to check in was just to clear my head, get out some of the things floating around in my brain that needed a place to settle so that I can relax. So without further ado, some random thoughts from my brain:
- I've been doing a lot of thinking about perfectionism. This is definitely a (sort of) illness that I suffer from, and the more and more that I let it affect my life, the less and less I'm able to enjoy whats going on around me. I started reading Brene Brown's "I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn't): Making the Journey from 'What Will People Think?' to 'I am Enough'". And holy cow, has it spoken to me. Her extensive research on shame and how perfectionism is linked with shame is eye opening. As an aside, I hate writing in books, can't explain it, it just irks me, but this book, well I needed some way to mark passages that I thought were important, so I've flagged the hell out of this book... Now it looks like it's been attacked by a rouge band of post-it flags.
- So this research into what makes me, "me" has lead me to realize that I don't know what growth looks like. My whole life I've learned that growth leads to perfection. Except, perfection doesn't really exist. So now I'm trying to figure out how to move away from perfection so that I can learn to grow. It's a pretty daunting task. I have this really hard time with discipline vs pressure. I can easily pressure myself into doing things, but that is only until I am so stressed out from the unattainable things that I've pressured myself that I fall apart or get sick from the exhaustion of trying to balance everything in my life. But discipline, well that's a whole different ballgame. Planning, which also goes hand-in-hand with growth and discipline, has also been something that I thought I was really good at, but come to find out I plan things that sound like they would be wonderful, not actually taking into account the realities of my 12 hour work days, friends, gym, and a new boyfriend. Yeah, it's a little difficult.
- So, what I've decided to do, is to start making realistic plans, there are definitely things that I'd like to accomplish. So I am going to plan before I just "jump into action, then die from exhaustion". I want some solid goals that are realistically accomplished before I move to DC. And even though my goal for this year was to run a half marathon, maybe part of being more realistic is accepting that I'm not Ben, or Liz, and that I need to set my sights on a completing a 10k this summer, which would still be 3 miles longer than I've ever run in my life. So hey, that would be quite a freaking accomplishment.
- In other news, I need to figure out how to downsize the crap I currently have in my room and basement so that I can finally have my own apartment and not be using my books as makeshift furniture haha. That is going to be quite the accomplishment as well, right now my bookshelf is double stacked and I have multiple boxes down in the basement. Not to mention my Harry Potter series is currently taking up the entire (large) drawer in the bottom of my desk. Yeah, I know, I have a problem.
- But all in all, life is really good right now. I'm starting to really get to know myself, getting to understand what makes me tick, what my shortfalls are, and where I want to start moving towards. (other than DC hahaha!!) So I'm going to leave you with this, a wonderful picture my Dad sent me at work the other day (so yes, this is counting as my "accepted to grad school" post!):
Now go enjoy the St. Patty's Day Festivities!!! <3 Elizabeth
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