Almost All-Nighters

So last night, for the first time in a long time, I went to bed somewhere around 2am. I had decided, or avoided really, starting my 20th century Lit homework last night at 5:45pm. This homework was to read 300+ page memoir plus, write a couple of responses to different prompts. I went to read for about 6 hours last night and got to page 275. What was a LONG time. (Technically, I called it quits around 1am, but in the 12 o'clock hour there was Taco Bell...) It was about 45 pages per hour, which slow? fast? Who knows. All I know is I spent a whole lot of time in my bedroom reading last night. And I needed it to happen that way. Allow me to back track a bit.

I have not been really studious these first few weeks of school. Something that I am NOT proud of, but it happens. So things have been happening waaaay last minute and last night was the epitome. But I also haven't been feeling too hot, a little hormonal crap, a little homesickness, a little OCD that is driving me bat-shit-crazy, you know, normal things when you are a girl who just moved 500+ miles away from home. Coming to GWU was a complete culture shock. I am not used to this large campus with all of these seemingly well-off people and it is intimidating. Along some fantastic academic insecurities I have just really been questioning what I'm doing in school, and telling myself how crazy I am for being here (especially with a BOY!). So obviously reading was not high on my priority list (though Sister Wives on TLC totally was...). But then last night I had to close myself off to the boy and our TV and just become engulfed in the story, and this was exactly what I needed. I needed to focus on what was really a priority, I needed to feel uncomfortable about my current academic situation. And I needed all of these things because this morning when I woke up and finished the last 50-ish pages I was so proud of myself. I was so involved in the text and just felt a connection to this story. I finally feel like I am "enough" for my classes, I needed some cold-hard proof that this was what I wanted. I'm still learning how to accept that life can be hard (not that my life in particular is all that difficult in the grand scheme of things) but that I can fight through it. I also learned that I don't EVER want to do that shit again. So tomorrow, on my day off, I will NOT be lounging all day watching TLC, I will be doing my reading for my classes next week. Time management, I'm finally starting to understand you!

~E