So tomorrow is the big 24!! And while I should be all kinds of excited, I've had a rough (really, really rough) day. Things are starting to go down hill very quickly with my aunt and I'm definitely not handling it very well. And being present today when she was told her prognosis was the hardest thing I've had to do so far.
But before I even got to the hospital, I was just a mess. I've missed most of my training runs this week, which is not giving me much confidence in the whole half-marathon scheme of things. I want to just give up, to just wait to run when I can focus on running. The only run I accomplished this week (Thus far) was a sad 3 miler on Tuesday. My legs were cramping, I had forgotten my inhaler, and my spirit was just dead. This hasn't gotten any easier and I think that isn't helping my morale either. I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself because my nutrition has been horrendous (hello, I'm a stress eater!) which just is killing my times and those are not so pretty to begin with. It's just a gigantic black hole of craptastic feelings.
My boyfriend has been amazing through everything, especially through my incredible self doubts. I just don't know what to do, I don't know how to move forward. I still don't have a place to live, a job, or my financial aid taken care of for grad school. So that's a wonderful stress-free part of my life as well.
...
Yeah, I'm going to end this post before I go any further, because dear god this started off pretty depressing and just hasn't gotten any better. But any advice that you have would be amazing. Because I don't know what to do. I need help. I need a plan, I need to get my laundry done and get ready for work tomorrow... oh how these lists go on and on. Happy My 24th Birthday Tomorrow!
~Elizabeth
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