It's just another snowy day in New England... in MARCH!! Which means yes, I was 20 minutes late to work, how did you know!? Haha, oh well, hopefully Spring will actually be here soon!
So these past few days I've been reading, "You Are an Ironman" By Jacques Steinberg and Whoa man, it is so inspiring and just way too interesting to put down. I am definitely feeling myself coming out of my reading funk that I've been in lately, which in itself is a great feeling. But what I'm loving about this book right now is how inspiring it is, this story about these weekend warriors who decide, for their own individual reasons, to sign up to compete in the 2009 Ironman Arizona (IMAZ). These people have families, jobs, you know, lives, but are still putting themselves through these unbelievable challenges of strength, mentally, physically, and emotionally. I don't think I can say enough how incredible it is.
What really struck me, was that they are just normal people, they are creating their own lives and allowing IMAZ to be a large part of that. I have officially run 1 race so far, I ran, and completed, a 5k last June as part of my 23rd birthday celebration, it felt so good. It was this beautiful Summer day running along the beach in South Boston, proving to myself that I can train and work for something, and achieve my goal. Going through school I wasn't much of an athlete, I definitely wanted to be, but I did other activities and just let me health be whatever it was. After I graduated from high school I started running, and I loved it. I would get up and work a 6-2 shift at McDonald's, then I'd go for an afternoon run. I was doing about 2 miles, which was something that I never thought I would achieve. Then I went to college, death with my Arthritis, and eventually, after I graduated from school, I found running again. Generally I run the most during the Summer and Fall, because Winter in New England is not a pretty picture (if today isn't evidence enough), and I do get bummed out about that, I want to be able to get in better shape, get rid of some of this excess weight, compete in some races, and build the life I want. I know weather is just an excuse, and so is work and any number of other things that impede a workout regiment, but soon I'm going to be shaking up my life even more and moving, beginning this whole new chapter, this whole new book! But for now, I want to enjoy what time I have left here with my friends and family, I want to put myself to the test and compete in some races where I will be able to have my friends and family present. I want to share all of these things while we still have the time. So even though it is nasty outside, after work I'm going to go to the Y, work out, let my stress go, and focus on my goals. Who knows, maybe someday I'll have my sights set on an IM too...
<3 Elizabeth
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Goals and Destinations
Two posts in one day, it's like you're hit the lottery!! Haha
So I just finished "I Thought It was Just Me..." and wow. Definitely a book that I plan on keeping around and referencing. So I guess all of the little flags that I had in it will be useful. Along with doing that I did some self reflecting. Sometimes just taking some quiet time to think about your life, your plans, your story, your past, your future, and your desires can be powerful. I found that I have been trapped by my fear of imperfection. I have allowed my life to be dictated by those "perfection ideals" that float around and are completely contradictory to one another. I have also allowed myself to become very attached to blogs, in an unhealthy sort of way. Not that I have some kind of stalker-like attachment to the people that I read about or blog about here but something even more detrimental to my own growth. Instead of me going out and making my own decisions and having my own life, I have been living vicariously through their experiences. But when I'm done reading these wonderful accounts of adventure, strength, silliness, and triumph, I become lonely and sad, because I compare myself to them in very negative ways. When Mary hit "Onderland" I was so happy for her, having been reading about some of the renewed enthusiasm for weight loss. But then after the initial excitement for Mary wore off I began to feel bad about myself. How long has Onderland been a dream of mine? Much longer than I want to admit to, I remember hitting it one day my senior year of high school. That was a long time ago, and it didn't stick around for very long.
One of the reasons that I haven't been writing here very often was based on the fact that "nothing happens that is worth writing about in my life". Or, at least that's what I've been telling myself. Mostly because I'm not training for anything, I'm not working on making myself better, I'm just sitting here blaming and shaming myself into silence. But I don't want to be silent any more. I enjoy writing, even if I don't always know what to say or how to say it. So that is what I'm going to work on, being open and honest about what is going on in my life. I was also used Mary's 2013 goals as a guide, because, let's face it, Holly's goals can be a little daunting to the newly goal oriented haha. So here is what I want to work on for the rest of March:
So I just finished "I Thought It was Just Me..." and wow. Definitely a book that I plan on keeping around and referencing. So I guess all of the little flags that I had in it will be useful. Along with doing that I did some self reflecting. Sometimes just taking some quiet time to think about your life, your plans, your story, your past, your future, and your desires can be powerful. I found that I have been trapped by my fear of imperfection. I have allowed my life to be dictated by those "perfection ideals" that float around and are completely contradictory to one another. I have also allowed myself to become very attached to blogs, in an unhealthy sort of way. Not that I have some kind of stalker-like attachment to the people that I read about or blog about here but something even more detrimental to my own growth. Instead of me going out and making my own decisions and having my own life, I have been living vicariously through their experiences. But when I'm done reading these wonderful accounts of adventure, strength, silliness, and triumph, I become lonely and sad, because I compare myself to them in very negative ways. When Mary hit "Onderland" I was so happy for her, having been reading about some of the renewed enthusiasm for weight loss. But then after the initial excitement for Mary wore off I began to feel bad about myself. How long has Onderland been a dream of mine? Much longer than I want to admit to, I remember hitting it one day my senior year of high school. That was a long time ago, and it didn't stick around for very long.
One of the reasons that I haven't been writing here very often was based on the fact that "nothing happens that is worth writing about in my life". Or, at least that's what I've been telling myself. Mostly because I'm not training for anything, I'm not working on making myself better, I'm just sitting here blaming and shaming myself into silence. But I don't want to be silent any more. I enjoy writing, even if I don't always know what to say or how to say it. So that is what I'm going to work on, being open and honest about what is going on in my life. I was also used Mary's 2013 goals as a guide, because, let's face it, Holly's goals can be a little daunting to the newly goal oriented haha. So here is what I want to work on for the rest of March:
- Running: I want to run at least a 10k this year, so the first thing I need to do is get on a treadmill, or out on the streets and put one foot in front of the other.
- Taking my medications: A lot of my shame is based on my emotional and physical health, so making sure that I am taking my medications properly is going to be a big goal of mine. I'm hoping that by making it a priority I can truly begin to accept myself and my perceived flaws.
- Watching 1 movie and reading 1 book per week. This is part of my 101 goals!!
- Getting 7 hours of sleep per night: I want to be more productive, but that isn't going to happen if I don't make it an effort to get enough rest.
So there it is, my list. And I plan on holding myself accountable by checking in here and talking about my struggles, my triumphs, my strengths, and my successes!!
<3 Elizabeth
Where I'm Going
Happy St. Patty's Day Saturday!!
So I've definitely been MIA recently, partially because work has been insane and because I'm currently recuperating from my second bout of strep throat in 2 weeks (which has been great...). But there is definitely some big news to be shared with you, oh anonymous Internet followers, I got into the English Master's program at The George Washington University!!!!! So things around here have been focused on celebrating (obviously) and trying to figure out how I can afford to move myself and my ever growing collection of books from Boston to Washington DC... Still working on the details! But I am thrilled to also announce that I'm all geared up to visit DC in April!! So excited to look at the school and look into some apartments! So obviously this means I owe you a TON of 101 posts, mostly because 2 of my goals were to apply to grad school, and get accepted... So yeah I've been kind of slacking in that dept., but I've still somehow been able to continue to cross things off, which feels amazing.
The other reason that I decided that I needed to check in was just to clear my head, get out some of the things floating around in my brain that needed a place to settle so that I can relax. So without further ado, some random thoughts from my brain:
So I've definitely been MIA recently, partially because work has been insane and because I'm currently recuperating from my second bout of strep throat in 2 weeks (which has been great...). But there is definitely some big news to be shared with you, oh anonymous Internet followers, I got into the English Master's program at The George Washington University!!!!! So things around here have been focused on celebrating (obviously) and trying to figure out how I can afford to move myself and my ever growing collection of books from Boston to Washington DC... Still working on the details! But I am thrilled to also announce that I'm all geared up to visit DC in April!! So excited to look at the school and look into some apartments! So obviously this means I owe you a TON of 101 posts, mostly because 2 of my goals were to apply to grad school, and get accepted... So yeah I've been kind of slacking in that dept., but I've still somehow been able to continue to cross things off, which feels amazing.
The other reason that I decided that I needed to check in was just to clear my head, get out some of the things floating around in my brain that needed a place to settle so that I can relax. So without further ado, some random thoughts from my brain:
- I've been doing a lot of thinking about perfectionism. This is definitely a (sort of) illness that I suffer from, and the more and more that I let it affect my life, the less and less I'm able to enjoy whats going on around me. I started reading Brene Brown's "I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn't): Making the Journey from 'What Will People Think?' to 'I am Enough'". And holy cow, has it spoken to me. Her extensive research on shame and how perfectionism is linked with shame is eye opening. As an aside, I hate writing in books, can't explain it, it just irks me, but this book, well I needed some way to mark passages that I thought were important, so I've flagged the hell out of this book... Now it looks like it's been attacked by a rouge band of post-it flags.
- So this research into what makes me, "me" has lead me to realize that I don't know what growth looks like. My whole life I've learned that growth leads to perfection. Except, perfection doesn't really exist. So now I'm trying to figure out how to move away from perfection so that I can learn to grow. It's a pretty daunting task. I have this really hard time with discipline vs pressure. I can easily pressure myself into doing things, but that is only until I am so stressed out from the unattainable things that I've pressured myself that I fall apart or get sick from the exhaustion of trying to balance everything in my life. But discipline, well that's a whole different ballgame. Planning, which also goes hand-in-hand with growth and discipline, has also been something that I thought I was really good at, but come to find out I plan things that sound like they would be wonderful, not actually taking into account the realities of my 12 hour work days, friends, gym, and a new boyfriend. Yeah, it's a little difficult.
- So, what I've decided to do, is to start making realistic plans, there are definitely things that I'd like to accomplish. So I am going to plan before I just "jump into action, then die from exhaustion". I want some solid goals that are realistically accomplished before I move to DC. And even though my goal for this year was to run a half marathon, maybe part of being more realistic is accepting that I'm not Ben, or Liz, and that I need to set my sights on a completing a 10k this summer, which would still be 3 miles longer than I've ever run in my life. So hey, that would be quite a freaking accomplishment.
- In other news, I need to figure out how to downsize the crap I currently have in my room and basement so that I can finally have my own apartment and not be using my books as makeshift furniture haha. That is going to be quite the accomplishment as well, right now my bookshelf is double stacked and I have multiple boxes down in the basement. Not to mention my Harry Potter series is currently taking up the entire (large) drawer in the bottom of my desk. Yeah, I know, I have a problem.
- But all in all, life is really good right now. I'm starting to really get to know myself, getting to understand what makes me tick, what my shortfalls are, and where I want to start moving towards. (other than DC hahaha!!) So I'm going to leave you with this, a wonderful picture my Dad sent me at work the other day (so yes, this is counting as my "accepted to grad school" post!):
Now go enjoy the St. Patty's Day Festivities!!! <3 Elizabeth
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
2012 Books
Okay, so part of my goal for the end of the year is to read 20 books before 2013. So This is my running tally of the books I read. Hopefully, seeing how much the list keeps growing will help motivate me to really get through some of the books on my book shelf!!
Wish me Luck!
So my new book goal for 2013 is to read what I love, just keep picking things that move me, even if I have to order it from Amazon.com as opposed to the nice collection of books I already have that boarders on book hoarding... Haha. So now the official 101 book count down begins!! I am going to try to make an effort to get more involved with Goodreads, so look out for me there. And any suggestions are more than welcome!!
~Elizabeth
Wish me Luck!
- Such a Pretty Fat-Jen Lancaster
- Gone Girl-Gillian Flynn
- My Sister's Keeper-Jodi Picoult
- Speak-Laurie Halse Anderson
- Madame Bovary-Gustave Flaubert
- Pretty in Plaid-Jen Lancaster
- The Thirteenth Tale-Diane Setterfield
- My Fair Lazy-Jen Lancaster
- Wicked Appetite-Janet Evanovich
- Wicked Business-Janet Evanovich (Yay half-way!)
- Candide-Volatire
- Candy Girl: A year in the life of an unlikely stripper-Diablo Cody
- Sharp Objects-Gillian Flynn
- Dark Places-Gillian Flynn
- The Happiness Project-Gretchen Rubin
- If You Were Here-Jen Lancaster
- Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns)-Mindy Kaling
- From Notting Hill With Love...Actually-Ali Mcnamara
- The King Maker's Daughter-Philippa Gregory
So my new book goal for 2013 is to read what I love, just keep picking things that move me, even if I have to order it from Amazon.com as opposed to the nice collection of books I already have that boarders on book hoarding... Haha. So now the official 101 book count down begins!! I am going to try to make an effort to get more involved with Goodreads, so look out for me there. And any suggestions are more than welcome!!
~Elizabeth
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
In Dating News
Good Morning My Dears,
I am having a really hard time with this whole dating thing. I think it can be summed up best by Liz Gilbert,
I am having a really hard time with this whole dating thing. I think it can be summed up best by Liz Gilbert,
“I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism.”Eat, Pray, Love
God does that describe how I feel sometimes. What I'm currently having a battle within myself about is this one boy. We had a fantastic first date, then I didn't really hear from him other than a few disconnected text messages. So I figured that he hadn't had as good a time as I had, so I started looking around again. Then, all of the sudden he asked me on a second date, which I enjoyed. I just don't know what I'm feeling about the whole situation. I've never had this issue where I constantly felt like I was walking on eggshells trying to figure out how someone felt about me. I've also never had so much self confidence before. I've definitely dated guys who were nice, but not on my level in a number of ways. But my pitfall is that I want to take care of everyone, I want to help make people better, which drains me in the process. I already feel exhausted, and the process is just beginning. That isn't right. I also am sick of feeling as though he isn't interested in me. If he is, he needs to up his game. Because this is ridiculous. As all of these things swirl around my head, I remembered this quote:
So there it is, me giving myself permission to relax and let it arrive, and if it doesn't, to just keep swimming. :)
Hope all of you have a less crazy day!! Any advice would be more than welcome.
~E
Hope all of you have a less crazy day!! Any advice would be more than welcome.
~E
Monday, January 14, 2013
Great Expectations
Happy Monday!
So this weekend was a crazy whirlwind, but was absolutely the refreshing weekend I needed in such unexpected ways. I think part of that is thanks to having Friday off, but never the less I had such a great time hanging with friends, watching some fantastic play-off football (I went 4 for 4 as far as my predictions, thank you all very much!). But it wasn't just the amazing food or the stories (Oh the stories!!), or the laughing so hard I couldn't properly breathe while driving down the highway; what took my by surprise was how much I could accomplish and enjoy myself when I checked my expectations at the door.
I've been really getting to know myself these past few weeks, which has been such a wonderful experience, and I definitely never expected that. I've never realized just how much pressure I put on myself or on others, until now. And I am finally realizing how much I was losing from my life because people were not "performing" the way I demanded it. I don't want to sit and think about all of my life I've missed because it "didn't quite fit" into my idea of life. But instead I'm going to continue to move forward and enjoy each moment, live each moment because I enjoy it, not because there is pressure on me to perfect the moment.
~E
So this weekend was a crazy whirlwind, but was absolutely the refreshing weekend I needed in such unexpected ways. I think part of that is thanks to having Friday off, but never the less I had such a great time hanging with friends, watching some fantastic play-off football (I went 4 for 4 as far as my predictions, thank you all very much!). But it wasn't just the amazing food or the stories (Oh the stories!!), or the laughing so hard I couldn't properly breathe while driving down the highway; what took my by surprise was how much I could accomplish and enjoy myself when I checked my expectations at the door.
I've been really getting to know myself these past few weeks, which has been such a wonderful experience, and I definitely never expected that. I've never realized just how much pressure I put on myself or on others, until now. And I am finally realizing how much I was losing from my life because people were not "performing" the way I demanded it. I don't want to sit and think about all of my life I've missed because it "didn't quite fit" into my idea of life. But instead I'm going to continue to move forward and enjoy each moment, live each moment because I enjoy it, not because there is pressure on me to perfect the moment.
~E
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Finding Me
Good morning Loves!
So yesterday was a strong start, I made sure I focused on me and what I needed to accomplish. I'm proud of the progress I made. I back slid a bit last night and began obsessing about all of the "what-ifs" in my life, but as I went to bed I vowed to keep working and to make today better. Little by little I'll get there.
I think a big key to my confidence problems is going to be letting go of the idea of perfect. The problem is that I have always felt sub-par because I am not perfect, but I don't exactly know what I've believed "perfect" is. So I want to focus on what I think I'm "doing wrong" so that I can start effectively handling it and accepting the life I have, not the one I wish for. So that's my goal for the day. I'll let you know how it goes once I make some headway on it.
Have a good day!
~E
So yesterday was a strong start, I made sure I focused on me and what I needed to accomplish. I'm proud of the progress I made. I back slid a bit last night and began obsessing about all of the "what-ifs" in my life, but as I went to bed I vowed to keep working and to make today better. Little by little I'll get there.
I think a big key to my confidence problems is going to be letting go of the idea of perfect. The problem is that I have always felt sub-par because I am not perfect, but I don't exactly know what I've believed "perfect" is. So I want to focus on what I think I'm "doing wrong" so that I can start effectively handling it and accepting the life I have, not the one I wish for. So that's my goal for the day. I'll let you know how it goes once I make some headway on it.
Have a good day!
~E
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