Prioritizing

Happy 2013!!

I hope that the New Year is treating you all well and that your resolutions are going according to plan. I've been doing a lot of thinking about 2013 and about all of the wonderful opportunities that I'm going to have this year. I made a list of goals and I'm going to bite the bullet and share it with you so that someone can maybe hold me accountable.

My Goals 2013

Fitness:
Run a half marathon. By December 31st 2013
Run 2 5Ks
Run a 10K
Be able to do a REAL push up
Be able to complete the entire ab thingy on the P90X

Body:
Size L shirt (M is a stretch goal)
Size 10 pants (Size 8 is a stretch goal)
Rock more high heels

Finances:
Stop eating out so much, bring lunch from home/ Stop and Shop
Consistently write in your checkbook and balance
Pay off all credit card debt by June.
Figure out how to finance Grad School

Elizabeth:
Continue to be Perfectly Imperfect
Work on letting go of the control freak and embarrassing the mistakes.
Finally rock that Tattoo
Keep working on 101 list :)

Work/Professional:
Finish applying to Grad School
Get into Grad School
If Not, find a plan B
Move out of Parents

Travel:
Go on a road trip!
Go to England again :)

With all of those wonderful things in mind, I've been doing a lot of thinking about my priorities. I've put myself on the back burner for most of my life. And I'm finally ready to make my life all about me. This all started after I went out on a date with a boy. It was wonderful, and as my brain always does, it started worrying about whether he liked me, and if I was every going to hear from him again, and a million other things about what I was afraid he was thinking about me. I am not the most patient person (haha that's an understatement...anyways) and not having the instant gratification of knowing exactly how he felt brought me down some really deep, dark paths. So last night I sat and thought about the two big relationships that I've been in since I graduated from high school, and I realized that each time I get into a relationship I immediate just become assimilated into their life as easily as possible. This means that I ignore my own life and my own wants or needs to be able to "serve their life" better. And then, I get resentful and angry and start feeling guilty for feeling that way... it is a vicious cycle.
So last night I finally made the decision that I want to be someone who loves herself first. Part of the inspiration for change came from an article I read a while ago (from Holly's blog post) about women begin liked versus being who they truly are. It was a tremendous piece by Jessica Valenti, the part that stuck out to me the most was, "Wanting to be liked means being a supporting character in your own life, using the cues of the actors around you to determine your next line rather than your own script. It means that your self-worth will always be tied to what someone else thinks about you, forever out of your control." And I'm done being a control freak who really has no control over herself. So I'm going into this New Year with the hope of becoming the Elizabeth I want to be. And part of that is going to be more writing here. I love writing and words, but I've always been much more inclined to read other blogs or books (while comparing myself to how terrible I write in comparison... yeah it's not pretty), but this is part of the change, wanting to get better. I want to craft words into meaning, even if I'm the only one who ever sees it. :) So here goes nothing! Wish me luck

~Elizabeth

Thoughts for Thursday

Happy Thursday! I am proud to announce that while I'm not done with either my Christmas shopping or subsequently my wrapping, about half of it has even completed. But with working 12 hours a day plus life in general, I'm proud that I've accomplished anything haha.
So December is a crazy month (since, obviously I'm the only one who feels that way). But I've almost (kind of) completed my grad school applications, but there is still definitely a ways to go. I also decided yesterday that I wanted to be more active. Other than Zumba once, sometimes twice a week, I've been totally slacking in the "Taking care of Elizabeth" part on my life.. So last night I rocked my brand new pair of running/Zumba/ kick-ass sneakers (below) and did some time on the tread mill. My goal is to write a post later about where I'm getting some serious motivation and inspiration for getting into shape. So hopefully that'll be up soon.
Well, I'm off and running to a great day of productivity at work, hope you all have a great Thursday too!

~E

LOVE the color of these. For someone who is normally so reserved, the neon colors totally spoke to me :)

Food for Thought

So to update you on my life, I've been (trying) to get through all of my grad school applications, juggling my insane work schedule and family/friend time, and I've been dipping my feet in the online dating scene. Nothing spectacular to report anywhere really haha. But yesterday I was chatting with a friend of mine and he asked if I was happy single. At first, I didn't know how to respond, firstly, because he is my ex, and we are in a good place, I didn't want this to lead anywhere weird, and secondly, I had never thought about if I was happy single. So I sat and really thought about everything going on in my life, and it lead to some very interesting conclusions.

To lead off, I am happy single. I have been doing whatever I want whenever I want, with very little regard to anyone else. It's been really nice with that kind of freedom. I've been able to drop my exciting nights with a glass of wine and a movie for nights out with my family or friends. I've been going out and doing more things alone, which is not as terrifying as I had always thought it would be. Because when I was younger, even as recently as when I was in college, I was mostly afraid to do things alone. Sure I joined clubs and things on campus, and even now my dad refers to me as a "joiner" because I'll go out and just do different things even if I'm the only person interested in doing it. Like the dance classes that I dropped in on for my 101 list. (yeah, yeah I'm getting to that post someday haha) But I never felt alone, because I was joining groups so that I could make friends so I wouldn't have to be alone. Plus, while I am very outgoing in terms of joining others, I am essentially silent when I first join things. I'm a very strange combination of adventurous and timid haha.

So then, you must be wondering, if you are so happy, what gives with the online dating? (Which is what I started to wonder myself) I realized that I'm not itching to have a boyfriend or be engaged any time soon, I really just wanted to make new friends. And for me, it has been nice talking to different guys, just getting to know one another with no pressure, on my part. I've also been doing more exploring on the web and finding some more blogs that I've just enjoyed reading so much. (More on those in a later post). Maybe online dating will lead to a prince charming, or maybe it won't. But for right now, the human interaction that it's bringing into my life has been a great experience for me.

It's incredibly liberating to realize that even with all of the things going on in my life that aren't so awesome right now, I'm still happy with who I am and where I'm going. This satisfaction is something that I have been working a long time trying to find. I remember always wanting a boyfriend so bad when I was younger, from middle school right through college. I always wanted to know what it felt like to be that happy, because I never felt happy alone. From where I'm standing right now, I'm happy to be here all on my own, strong and single. This is something that I'm so proud of finally learning at the young age of 23, because it only gets better from here.

~E

My Version of Wisdom

Happy November 1st!!

I hope all of you had a wonderful Halloween. I didn't get dressed up or do anything fun, other than watch Modern Family with the left-over Trick-or-Treat candy :) It was still a good night!

So instead of only blogging on here when I have completed a 101 task, (and yes I know, I still owe you posts. I'm getting there!) I wanted to just talk about what's been going on in my life. I had an epiphany last night. It was major and minor at the same time, about something minor, but had major impact on my life kind of a thing.

So to introduce the story to you I figured I should probably admit, I joined an online dating site. Which was a huge decision for me. I've been enjoying being single and making a lot of time for myself, but I've also found myself wanting to meet new people and try as many new things as possible. (Though I must admit, no matter how enticing the guys on this site try to make it, I don't think I'll ever be a chick that likes or wants to ride motorcycles... sorry!) So with this "new adventure" I've had very little (like practically non-existent) success, which is a bummer. Part of that too is, I want someone to find me. I've always gone out there and made things happen, but I want to be wanted. And I know you are rolling your eyes saying the same thing, and trust me, I'll get back to that. So for the past few days I had been talking to someone who had made the first move! Yay! Then last night I got a message from him saying that I was just like his ex, in personality, and that we had the same name and that he couldn't handle it and didn't want to talk anymore. I understand where he was coming from, I do, but man that was a killjoy last night. Finding someone who was nice and could write a proper sentence was like the best thing ever. So I pretty much had a pity party with the left-over Halloween candy.

So later on in the evening, sitting in bed with my laptop open, I started writing myself an email. I do this often to clear my head without having my hand cramp up trying to write it in my journal. I've noticed when I write to myself, that I tend to write it "to you" rather than using "I". So I've been trying to be more vigilant about not lecturing myself, because that has NOT been working. As I was pouting and complaining it dawned on me that I am complaining about things that I "wish" for, not that I am "working" for. So I am just being a spoiled brat, in other words. And this is where my epiphany came in. Maybe if I started working more on things that I cared about, like my blog, or being more open-minded and less judgemental (on myself) the online dating thing wouldn't be such torture. I just had this moment of clarity that I need to start working and stop complaining. Because if there is nothing I hate more, it is a whiner. And yes, that part of me drives me a little batty sometimes, but I completely own up to it.

I  have always found myself drawn to strong women, people like my grandmother (mother of 7 with an alcoholic husband, hello!), people I knew in high school who are doing extraordinary things in their lives (like being a Ph.D. candidate at MIT... just saying), but also characters, like Alicia Florrek in "The Good Wife", Elizabeth Gilbert author of "Eat, Pray, Love" and so many, many more. So I think it's time I get my head out of my ass and start actually working. Because I DO NOT want to be Emma ( in "Madame Bovary") never, ever, ever do I want to be her.

Also, as fate would have it, as I was searching for something to post as a facebook status I found a quote from Eat, Pray, Love (yes, I know, I have a problem and need a 12 step program... haha) and it was exactly what I needed to hear, mostly because it is exactly what I told myself last night, in so many words.

“Stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone ought to be.” ~Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love ♥ And that, my friends, is my plan. And maybe, if I'm lucky, all of my craziness will help someone else out along the way too. :)

So I leave you with my final thought on the subject, I am learning, and growing, and finding my way in this crazy world. I'm trying really really hard to find Elizabeth and just as I was getting ready to post this, I found something else, another trinket of wisdom, from Aristotle no less, that just fit perfectly into this crazy journey I'm on.

Source: mediawebapps.com via tracy on Pinterest

Ain't that the truth...
~Elizabeth

Happy Birthday Daddy!!

On October 16th my dad had a birthday, and my gift for him was to make him a cake. I got a carrot cake recipe that was phenomenal from one of my coworkers, and went to town the day before his birthday.

While a cake from scratch was definitely a new experience, I think I did a good job, minus my baking powder/soda issue, which I quickly corrected... :) And let me just say, shredding 3 cups worth of carrots, by using baby carrots, is a pain in the behind, and if you miss, a pain in the fingers as well. But I wouldn't know anything about it. (no blood no foul).

So then I made the cream cheese frosting, during which I broke my mom's pastry cutter, after having tremendous issues with our hand-held mixer... Yeah, it was a rough day. But I managed to make a great cake, and even got to do some fun decorating. Thought the frosting was a lot thinner than I'm used to, so my lines weren't as clean as I'd hoped they's be. But no matter what, I'm glad that I was able to make the cake and enjoy my dad's birthday, even though he didn't really want anything. I'm such a good daughter, who listens really, really well :D

Here are some fun photos of the evening, including my dad being forced by my mom to pretend to blow out his candles so she could get a photo.



I was so proud of my cute little pumpkins! And my vines. That frosting is such a pain to work with, especially when your hands are melting the cream cheese!





And a bonus photo is proof that my brother "helped clean up":



So there it is, one post, two things DONE on my 101 list!! And a great 52nd birthday for someone special. Win/Win/Win!!

Pumpkin Carving Extravaganza!

So if you have been checking in around here, I've been crossing quite a few things off of my 101 in 1,001 challenge, but have also been completely ignoring the whole posting thing. Some one's kind of a slacker... :) So this week I'll be posting the things that I've already crossed off, and if I can figure out I'll try to have a new post each day. 

So last Sunday while watching the Patriots get their butt kicked by Seattle... 

Anyways! So I went to a local farm and grabbed a beautiful pumpkin:

My puppy Bridget completely approves (puppy is definitely a loose term around here because she is almost 7 years old). 

Then I went through and did some serious damage to this pumpkin! I am so proud. Especially because just after I started spooning out the "gunk" and seeds in the pumpkin, I commented that I didn't remember it being this hard to do when I was younger. My dad quickly reminded me that I pretty much watched him hollow it out and was handed a clean pumpkin. And that this was the first time I've ever really hollowed out a pumpkin. So let's show you the fun/gross process:

And then I added the stencil, because let's be real, I don't free-hand this kind of stuff. 

Then 2 hours, a couple of screw-ups, and 1 broken carving tool later:

I was one happy camper!!

So there is my pumpkin masterpiece. The cute haunted house with a graveyard. Though cute is probably not exactly the adjective to use, I like it. Right now the pumpkin is hanging out in my front room because it's a little warm right now and because normally the little animals hanging around the neighborhood like to partake in the pumpkins. So it will guard my mudroom until it's time to take it outside and light-her-up! 

1 down, a long, long list to go. :)

Political Musings

I know the internet is blowing up with political analysis and different left-wing and right-wing theories about the next debate and whose make-up artist needs to be fired, but I want to add my two cents. I don't intend this blog post to be upsetting or polarizing in any way. I just want to add my thoughts, the "light bulb" moments that I had throughout this debate. But there are some things you should know about me first:

•  I grew up in a politically divided home, my mother is a registered independent voter (as am I), but tends more towards Democratic ideals (as do I). My father, however, is a Republican through and through, and my younger brother follows in his footsteps.
• I was born and raised in Massachusetts.
• When I was in the 6th grade, my middle school "voted" for the next President of the United States. And as my mother will tell you, without hesitation, I was pissed when I got home that afternoon because Al Gore had lost. I was in a rage because all of my "stupid" classmates voted for Bush. How dumb could they possibly be? 
• Which also means that on September 11th, 2001 I was in the 7th grade. I was only 12 years old. And that, I believe, is the most important thing to note.
• In 2008, I voted for President Barack Obama

So that leads me to tonight, to this all important presidential debate, the second of three. This was the chance for the president to make a statement and really be present during the debate, to make up for the, what I'm going to sum up as "lack of participation" in the first. So sitting on my living room couch next to my brother with my dad in his own chair, I watched my former governor and current president face off. And man, did that get heated. But what was most important for me, was not just the hostile atmosphere, being a liberal in conservative territory, but what was being discussed, what wasn't being discussed.

I sat through all 90 minutes of the debate (with only a few minor interruptions on my dad's part) and at the very end had some pretty big revelations. I realized that people my age, who were a huge part of President Obama's victory in 2008, had never experienced an economy that was thriving. Sure, I was alive when George Sr. was in office, and was definitely around for Clinton, but I was a little too busy working on walking and talking and going to kindergarten, and dealing with my baby brother. I didn't exactly have a lot of time to discuss political climates and the economy in between episodes of Rugrats and Barney. Which leads me to 2000, when I was in the 6th grade. That was my first REAL political dealing, I watched as the man my classmates "voted for" destroy the economy with war and with his own personal agenda. So when I was finally old enough to register to vote, you bet your bottom dollar I did. And I voted Democrat, because that was the only way to "fix" the stink hole we were in. Because we needed change. Craved change, even begged for it. And so we got it.

Since then, things haven't really changed (in my very humble opinion). And that's what was scariest about tonight because for the first time I really was forced to face facts and see both sides of the debate, of the issues, of the candidates. I have to give it to Governor Romney, he definitely made me think about what it means to change. I looked at my dad tonight, in-between his Republican rantings and told him I was scared of Conservatives because of George Bush and because of the social issues. And his response was, (in so many words) that the social issues matter, but not right now. Right now they are clouding the economy, because that is an issue. And he's right. But that doesn't mean I'm still not scared (mostly because I'm scared of a lot of things). 

But it also made me think about my future plans, I want to go to graduate school. And to be completely honest, I have been seriously looking into going to school in England. Partly because it was wonderful when I was there, partly because I'm a single girl in her 20's with the world as her oyster, and partly, because I hate what the United States has become. I have become so sick of people not working hard for what they have. I hate being stereotyped as a "Lazy American". I hate that I am no longer proud of being American, that I wish to be another nationality, one with a bit more dignity. 

So while I am still seriously considering my options and continuing my research for this election, I just needed to share my thoughts. I needed to empty my head of all of these things so that I could go to bed and sleep soundly. But mostly, I just wanted to feel like maybe I had inspired one other person to think about what change means, and what we need to do to create change. And as a disclaimer, I promise not to make this space into a politically-charged atmosphere, I just think that since I am in the process of overhauling my own life, lets look at other areas to improve as well.

So with that in mind, good night!

<3 Elizabeth

Source: icanread.tumblr.com via Elizabeth on Pinterest