In the beginning...

Good Morning!

So I'm currently battling a wonderful cold, so extremely excited about that and about my voice that is becoming extinct, but not before making me sound like a 50-year-old male smoker...

But I do have good news!! I have been working on my 101 challenge!! While I've started doing a bunch (#'s 31, 56, & 58) I have only completed one! But hey, I did one already!!! :)

This past weekend my friend Melissa let me tag along with a group of her friends as we tackled a corn maze (#68)!!  We did get lost, none of us died, though there were a few close calls including me almost face-planting. Just saying, there were a TON of rocks that were sticking out of the ground, trying to grab me. ...Or maybe it's because I didn't use a flashlight, either way. I think my favorite part of the corn maze was getting incredibly close to the end, deciding for some "unknown reason" (aka one of the guys decided we went the wrong way...) turned around and walked for another like 20 minutes. Love men and their senses of direction.

Plus, before we even went to the corn maze we ate at this awesome Brazilian BBQ place. And yes, the first thing out of my mouth was, "is this going to turn into Bridesmaids...?" :) And in a sense it was, because at a Brazilian BBQ, they do actually walk from table to table with meat on sticks... kind of intimidating at first, but delicious!! I highly recommend the , and would totally do it again, as long as someone was willing to drive with me from the South Shore up to Saugus... :-D any takers!? So trying the different cuisine totally counts for part of #79 as well, I'm going to count it as 1 because it was a completely new experience, and I tried a lot of different foods, but can't remember exactly how many, so baby-steps it is!

Also, this post becomes part of #26, but since I was an epic failure with pictures this weekend, this is all  I have to offer:

Source: via Elizabeth on Pinterest

So while this cold is completely ruining my life, at least you know that I've been working hard at tackling this list! Cause I know I'm pretty proud of myself! And really, that's all that matters.

What I'm Working On...

So the past few days I've been really thinking about what I want for this blog, what I want to accomplish in my life, what I want to be able to share on here. All that fun stuff. This past month (ish) has been great. (I know, I don't sound all that convincing, but just ask my coworkers and friends, apparently me and break-ups work out just fine :-p ). So I've been playing around with a "101 Things To Do in 1001 Days Challenge" courtesy of Lacey. (Love that blog, btw, highly recommend it, and not only because Charley is such a cutie!) So as I was exploring other "101 in 1001" projects I started to realize something, I had accomplished a lot of things over the past year, hell even in the past few months. I have been slowly working on myself, working on who I am, even without putting a ton of thought into it. It reminded me of Holly's post about just showing up. (And for the record, I think that is my favorite post by Holly, so I hope you can get out of it what I get out of it)  And I'll be totally, honest, I haven't even been trying hard. (I know, for shame.)
Which leads me to a whole TON of things and ideas and crazy stuff. First, I am freaking excited for the first time in my life to not be "with someone" or pining for someone. I'm cool just enjoying being Elizabeth and being in my twenties. :-D which brings me to this whole doing things for me thing. I really want to start changing my life, start living deliberately. So I already made and published my 101 list here. The challenge is ON!! And I am thrilled. I want to approach this project much like Gretchen Rubin did with her "Happiness Project", really work on making myself happy and figuring what works for me. I want to improve my life, even if that requires work (that dirty, dirty four-letter word)
So I am going to be around here a LOT more often (especially once I get my butt in gear and do #15 (get myself a new computer!!) which is slightly cheating because I've been looking into doing that for a while. But hey, I need to baby step it sometimes :). The other part of being here more is that I'm going to actually start sharing things with my friends and family, let them know that this place actually exists...  Again, baby steps here. So since it is a few minutes shy of midnight, therefore officially beginning my 1001 day count-down, I should probably go to bed. Got a big day tomorrow! Maybe I'll even cross something off of my list!! :-D Good night world!

<3 Elizabeth

Thursday Drag-fest

So I'm having the hardest time keeping myself going today... Oy! The coffee isn't working, (The Horror!!!) I even resorted to going into my boss's office (which was empty, thankfully) and stretching, trying to rejuvinate myself. I am just pooped. This whole not going to bed until late thing, but getting up earlier these past 2 weeks than I have in the past year are REALLY starting to get to me. I seriously need to figure out a new system for my sleep habits. I need to be able to function at work so that I'm not falling asleep at my desk...

So I am in the process of a major blog update, hence my cute little drop-in. I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm trying reeeeeeeeaaaally hard to post constantly, just to continue to keep my writing continuous. So big plans going on in my neck of the woods. Hopefully that is going to mean big exciting things :) Cause this chick-y needs some change and some excitement.

Well for all the young'uns out there, enjoy your Thirsty Thursday, I'm thinking the way my body is right now, I might even skip Zumba tonight and just go to bed... :-/ God it stinks being old, aka early twenties......

<3 Elizabeth

I have been single now for about a month. This is the first time in almost two years that I find myself single, and it can be rather scary. I think the most terrifying part about it, is that I'm finally happy. If I have no desire to do something, I don't have to. I don't have to compromise anymore. Which sounds incredibly selfish, but as someone in her early twenties, it's is a fantastic feeling.
I would lie to you if I said that I haven't been talking to someone and while we did go on a date Friday, I'm not worried about what happens next. If it works, that's great, if it doesn't, its not the end of the world. So many women, myself included, discuss how they lose themselves in their relationships. One of my personal heroes is Liz Gilbert, and when I saw Julia Roberts playing Liz, talking about loving herself, dots just started to connect and I just felt so relieved that this wasn't just me, and that there are always other options. Choosing to stay takes just as much effort as choosing to go, because there will always be emotional strains and drains, so the question is, which option is right for me?
So right now, I am choosing to focus on myself. If a man happens to come along, fantastic, if not, then I'm going to be just fine. It has taken me my whole life plus some extended time I therapy to recognize that I am what is best for me. And that I am so lucky, blessed, and grateful for myself and my happiness.
Have a great rest of your weekend before the dreaded Monday arrives, and Go Pats! :-)

So it's been quite a while since I've been around these parts, huh? A few months ago I decided to try a different blog site and see what would happen. Then one day I came back here and decided that what was best for me was to begin really blogging here, where I had started, so that all of my embarrassing posts were here. It's a way of accepting myself by accepting my past, which is something I'm definitely not good at. So the past few days, for almost a week really, I've been trying to figure out how I wanted to re-introduce myself, what I wanted to plan for this blog, for myself. But, life always has a way of changing things.
This morning I received a text from my dad, saying that a friend of our family had passed away last night. Her name is Gail, and while I only really ever saw her at the Football cookouts and parties during the Fall and Winter, plus that one time in Vegas, I still can't believe she is gone. She hadn't been sick, one day about a week and a half ago she colapsed at her salon, and once she had been rushed to the ER, they found out she had had an aneurysm. Yesterday, they took her off of life support, as she had been in a drug-induced coma. I just can't believe in the blink of an eye, she is gone. I saw here just 3 weeks ago at the Football Kick-off Cookout, we talked about my recent trip to England and how awesome the Patriots were doing that first game.
Life is so delicate. That's all I can think of this morning, how incredibly everything changes and so quickly. I've been reading "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin, and have been trying to become more aware of my life, about making more decisions and not just floating along. I also found a great link yesterday via Pinterest:

Source: mightygirl.com via Elizabeth on Pinterest

And it's all lead my to this one conclusion. Life is so short, and I'm so sick of waiting around for it to happen. I have been one of those people who are constantly too afraid to make a mistake, so I end up not doing much of anything. So that is my Happiness Project right now, to start "living deliberately" (now that I finally understand what the hell Thoreau was talking about...). I am sick of regrets, I am sick of not enjoying myself. So I'm not going to do those things anymore. I am going to live life fully. Always. <3 I'm still in the planning phase of how to go about living deliberately, but I definitely didn't want that to deter me from writing this post I had been procrastinating. Because if I hadn't done it now, who knows if I ever would have gotten the chance...

~Elizabeth

So with work being particularly dead this week I've had a lot of time to think about my life. I've also had a lot of time to read. So here are some of the things I've learned through my "self-reflection" (aka crying) and my readings.

Deep Thinking (kind of): 

If I don't sit down and write things or actually actively think about my life, I get what I am now calling "emotional constipation". I get overloaded with emotions to a breaking point and then I weep while laying in bed on a Thursday afternoon when I should be at Zumba. ...Okay, so the second half of that was pretty strictly referring to yesterday, however; that shit happens. One of the most important parts of therapy has been me figuring out how to not cry. I am a crier. It's a part of who I am (especially that special time of month I now refer to as "shark week"). So while missing my most exciting and group-oriented exercise activity, I truly believe my meltdown was a HUGE NEON SIGN in the face saying: "do not neglect to write and to understand your feelings". 

Reading Enlightenment:

1) I have a tendency to enjoy ordering books from amazon.com rather randomly. (Which is why I refuse to own a Kindle though they are convenient and cute.) This tendency also includes me ordering memoirs about people who have battled, and have learned to move forward, from their depression. The first book was, Hide & Seek by Wendy Aron who's wonderful ability to make a joke at her anxiety and depression made me realize how my sense of humor could be part of the solution, not just a sarcastic addition to my troubles. And that revelation really did help me months ago when I was seriously struggling and in between therapists. This evening I finished reading "Struck by Living: From Depression to Hope" by Julie Hersh. I have been doing much better with my depression, especially since starting consistent physical activity and therapy with the most wonderful woman named Susan. Julie's incredible journey through depression throughout most of her life reminded me how fragile we all are. This life is a gift, even if sometimes we are unable to recognize the gift through the daze and darkness. For anyone who struggles with anxiety or depression I highly recommend these books, it allows a view that is different, yet told from a landscape that all people who struggle with depression and anxiety recognize and relate to. Not that I have any kind of formal medical or psychiatric training, I just found the two enlightening, and dare I say it... really enjoyable.

2) Now along with reading Hersh's book on my way to and from work, while at  work I found a wonderful blog Holly Would If She Could. While my book reading has been about the depression, this blog is all about where I hope to be heading. Holly discusses her life, style, exercise, and shares a TON of healthy recipes that fit into her Paleo way of life. (I think if she were to see this and see that i had labeled it a diet, might get upset... So as not to disappoint my new-found hero, I'm giving it the esteemed title, "lifestyle". And really, the way she cooks and uses it, it is WAAAAY more than a fad diet.) But this blog, along with being funny and entertaining is helping me see the bright, shiny, thin side of life. What initially got me hooked was her discussion about her weight-loss path. I found it enjoyable while not overpowering. She is not one to demand you reject your way of life and never eat another grain again. I like how real her blog is, how excited about everything (including cooking dinner... even when shes SICK!) And in the few short days that I have been reading I've found her energy so exciting and her extensive (incredibly extensive) 2012 Goals list inspiring.

So with all of this thinking and wonderful reading, my plan this fantastic Memorial Day weekend is to make my a 2nd half of 2012 Goals list. I'm hoping that with such wonderful opportunities in the next six months (including the impeding 23rd birthday in June!) I will be able to continue my climb towards continued happiness and balance. Having Goals is the first step! So I will hopefully be posting those steps here once I figure out what exactly it is I want. And if you were to ask my boyfriend, the wonderful Shawn, that is NOT an easy task.

Happy Memorial Day weekend everyone! "And I'll see you after the weekend..."

The Wonderful World of What If's

Good Morning! (or afternoon...)

I haven't been here in a while and for that I apologize. I can give you a million excuses, God knows I've been storing and using those for years. But the reason that I haven't been writing is because I haven't known what to say, what to write, or what I really wanted this blog to be about. I have been doing research and so many other bloggers have a theme, like marriage, or raising children. I just like to complain about the injustices in my life. Which aren't that many, nor are they truly blog-worthy. So this morning I came up with an idea. It is this absolutely insane idea.

What if I worked for what I wanted? What if I allowed myself the right to work harder and lose weight? What if I finally started writing a book (and working on my blog)? What if I finally inspire others the way I watch others inspire me? What if I stopped asking what if and made it happen?

So there it is. This blog is me, learning how to live a fulfilling life in any form that I choose. I'm still fighting with my depression, (thanks to a WONDERFUL therapist I don't have to fight quite so hard) and I'm still just Elizabeth. But I am going to document my day-to-day dealings with leading a happy, healthy, fulfilling life.

Today I finally signed-up (and paid [gasp!]) for a Weight Watchers membership. I have done weight watchers (back when their entire booklet was thinner than a deckof cards mind you) and I had great success with it, but just never really followed through. I tried to do this in January (like ever other knuckle head with a scale) but gave up after a few weeks because I'm a) impatient and the pounds weren't running away from my midsection fast enough and b) I wasn't mixing up my eating. I was eating the depriving myself of the same things everyday. This combination of things eventually lead to eating the better portion of a 1lb bag of Cadbury Mini Eggs (those things are like my crack! If they were available year round I would easily be 500lbs). But in April I started using Pinterest (which is my work-crack). I started finding inspirational quotes and exercises along with all kinds of fun cake decorations. My goal was to do 50 workouts before I step foot on a cruise in July. And I am incredibly proud to announce that as of today I am 25 workouts down in under 6 weeks. :) The unfortunate news that comes along with that is that my weight has been fluctuating in the same 8 lb range. I haven't done any major changes to my diet, therefore because I am suddenly doing so much physical activity, I am allowing myself anything covered in chocolate or cheese I can find. But today, spending actual money on my diet means I am actually making progress. If I can drop over $50 at Barnes & Nobel then another $40 on Amazon.com on books in the course of 4 days. I can DEFINITELY afford to spend $5/week on eating and living healthier.

So there it is, step one: admitting my problem, identifying what I'm doing right, then focusing on fixing all of the other crap.

Happy Tuesday everyone!

Source: quotediary.me via Elizabeth on Pinterest